Make no mistake about it, if we’re going to get a result against Utd on Wednesday, every Chelsea man called upon will have to play out of his skin. We may well have beaten them at home to make the title more of a fight, but let’s not kid ourselves – it was against a weaker Utd side than the one we’ll face in Moscow. And yeah ok, we saw off Arsenal and Utd in the league (and put Liverpool out of the Champions League) in a sudden burst of energy, but our late charge for the title never really convinced anyone. Even Grant, in the wake of Fergie’s tenth title, admitted “It was never for one minute in our hands”.

However, a sudden bout of amnesia has apparently rendered him senseless, with his accusations of conspiracy theories in the press. As if that wasn’t bad enough though, the latest ‘exclusive’ hears him prattling on about being a ‘master tactician’. This, it has to said, disappoints me greatly – not because the rainman has turned into one of the Premier League’s top manager’s, but the fact that as adept with my observational skills as I am, this transition must’ve completely passed me by.

Having convinced most of us during the season that any substitution he made was either out of sheer panic or simply to do something, Grant’s ability to actually ‘manage’ was quite rightly called into question. But our new self-appointed tactical magician feels that wins over an Arsenal side in temporary free-fall, a weakened Utd side and a Liverpool side feeling particularly benevolent in the first leg, have somehow elevated his status in the world of management. He educates us thus: “In big games, changing the players or the system at the right time is one of the best ways to win the game when you know your opponents so well.” I don’t know about anyone else, but I was almost convinced for a minute. But then, this newly acquired desire to blow his own trumpet and ramble on in the press kind of gave the game away when, trying to quantify his ‘successes’ he gloats:

“First of all I was happy with how we started those games but in all of them something happened and we needed to make a change – I think we did it well. Against Arsenal we brought on Nicolas Anelka and Juliano Belletti and changed the system. We scored two goals to win the game and could have scored more. Then at Liverpool in the first leg of the Champions League semi-final, we brought on Salomon Kalou and Anelka and got back into the game. It was Kalou who crossed for the own goal while Anelka pressed John Arne Riise. With United, we brought on Anelka, [Andriy] Shevchenko and then [Claude] Makelele at the right time after they scored from our mistake. We finished the game with three strikers and scored a late goal to win it. And it was the same sort of game again for the second leg with Liverpool. We were much stronger but then they scored and we had to make changes. Everybody thought they would be fresher because we had just had a big game against United but we brought on Florent Malouda and Anelka to change the system and we deserved the win.”

Add to that, this little gem I couldn’t help smiling at on one of the Chelsea forums: “In the 59^th min against Newcastle, Grant was sitting there lurking over Steve’s shoulder as Clarke wrote match notes. He was acting as though he were cheating on an exam”, and it’s quite clear he wasn’t exactly responsible for the credit he appears to be giving himself.

Besides, as good as his Premier League record would appear on paper, we didn’t win the league, nor do we have any cups to show for it. So, his job continues to hang by a thread as he’s so far failed to deliver either silverware or a style of football anywhere near that of our rivals. In fact, our style of football (probably in the games where Clarke covered his answers against potential ‘cheating’) for much of the season is the one thing that has truly reflected Grant’s presence –  just about effective enough, but dull and definitely not pretty to look at. How we weren’t found out over the course of the season remains one of the season’s mysteries but I suspect a dodgy spell from Utd, a minor capitulation at The Emirates and a large slice of luck may have something to do with it.

So, while Roman sits in the Luzhniki Stadium, marvelling at Utd’s football as we line up against them, maybe he should give some serious thought to the sort of manager it’s going to take to get us playing like our opponents?

Filed under: Rants