Explaining Football To The Doubters…

Years ago now, I was asked to write something in an English class to explain what it is that’s so special about football – no easy task when the majority of the class really weren’t into it and didn’t get what the fuss was all about. This week, with me refusing to go anywhere I’m invited while the Euros are on, I was put in a similar position of trying to explain to a non-football au fait gent (yes, they genuinely exist) what it is about the game that renders me an expletive ranting, hyperactive, nervous-wreck of an individual who refuses to answer the door/phone for at least 90 minutes of each night.… Read More

Chelsea 2011/12 Season – In Verse

It started off quite hopeful, with a new man in the job

Alongside Villas-Boas, Juan Mata and Sideshow Bob

We banged a few in, looked ok, you’d forgive us for all hoping –

That even with a few old ‘uns, the Chelsea squad was coping

We’d even hoped that Torres was, or at least until United

With a miss that had the red shite, all sort of ‘dick-in’hand’ excited

Then controversy, of course, what else?… Read More

Chelsea: All Is Not Lost

After Blackburn then Europe, the boss had to go

So Grant was hauled in by Kenyon & Co,

As open-mouthed, we all sat and stared

Who was this man and who even cared?

Utd were next and, well off the pace

We were given some bloke with a gormless face –

Who stood looking clueless, not ‘special’ at all,

The question hung heavy, ‘how far will we fall?’

Two-nil to Utd, courtesy of the ref –

The officials, as usual, struck both blind and deaf.Read More


As the run-in approaches, let’s see where we are
Coz, for a club ‘going forward’ we ain’t moved very far.
Where once there was arrogance, self assured belief
Every win we get now brings only relief.
No strutting on touchlines now that Grant’s in the job,
If he did the ‘chin up’ he’d at least shut his gob.… Read More

That’s Entertainment

Gallas stropNo ticker tape, no party hats, no helium balloons,
No title celebrations yet again for Wenger’s goons.
They’d had a run, surprised a few and even topped the table
But hold onto a 5 point gap, we saw they just weren’t able.
For all the praise the press heaped on, the goals they just stopped scoring
As ‘football’s saviours’ silky skills could only see them drawing.… Read More

No Early Exit

Champions League, the Mestalla again
A win last time – but that was then,
Now Mourinho’s gone, Avram’s in charge
And the Chelsea boo boys are giving it large.
His whole appointment as clear as mud
Angry and bitter, they’re out for his blood,
They want it fixed and they want it now –
Welcome to Chelsea Grant, take a bow.… Read More

What We Need

As sad as it is, the ‘Special One’s’ gone
The mourning is over, it’s time to move on.
As hard as it is, as much as it hurts –
Get them heads up and play for your shirts.
Roman and Kenyon let everyone down
Giving us Grant – an unqualified clown,
But he’s just temporary – along for the ride
So sort yourselves out and play with some pride.… Read More

European Blues

Second leg and we’re in Spain –
Cup Winners semi once again.
Like Copenhagen its 1 – all
Will we stand firm or will we fall?
A Mallorcan side so full of tricks
and the Leicester game knocking us for six,
Now the confidence on which we feed
Deserts us in our hour of need.… Read More

Just a Hiccup?

I’m well and truly gutted
it’s the curse of Man United,
I thought this time we’d beat ’em
and I’d even got excited.
We outclassed and outplayed them
but it’s just the same old story,
Whenever they come to The Bridge
it’s always ‘Glory, Glory’.
As if that wasn’t bad enough –
with confidence now battered,
we gifted West Ham victory
when 3 points really mattered.… Read More

The Ground

First a distant rumble, then louder, building up to the sound of a marching army. Stud after stud hits concrete as boots clatter up the tunnel. A splash of colour spills out, as if an overturned paint tin. Merging with green, it is greeted by the roar of a lion.
Silent expectation falls around the ground.… Read More